I’ve been away for quite some time, and it is great to be creating new work again! I took a break to reevaluate and prioritize some things in my life, and now I have much more of a focused vision and direction for my senior thesis project. I was fortunate enough to be able to photograph in a “jail cell” over the course of winter break (it’s not really a jail but rather a museum with some mock “women’s cells”). This past month, as I was reflecting and working through some of the issues I’ve dealt with for most my life, I realized the expectations I put on myself and the standards of perfection I put on my body make me a slave to a relentlessness master…because perfection can never be achieved. I do not presume to be alone in this quest for perfection, as many women have struggled with perfectionism particularly in regards to their own bodies. I came to realize that my constant quest for perfection left me in fear; I was stuck in a prison of my own making. I traded balance for bondage rather than freedom and peace (which I so desperately wanted)… This series of images is meant to illustrate that idea…the idea that addiction (yes, perfectionism can be an addiction) will suffocate one’s freedom…that it will lie to one and entice one with open doors offering what looks like protection but is really bondage… I believe addictions, thought patterns, habits that are harmful can become so second nature that they feel “safe” and familiar…that is why we return…even though they never end well.

However, I also wanted to illustrate a source of hope in these photos. In the image below…extraneous light from the window is entering to give the prisoner hope and courage.

A few unedited shots from the shoot >>>> (more…)

As I began this photographic project, I didn’t anticipate it becoming such a personal journey. As I have recalled and recollected my memories, I have had to face some of my deepest fears and struggles. I have reached a point in my life where change is necessary and welcome. Instead of running from pain, I have turned around and faced it…facing your fears and embracing your imperfections leads to growth, change, and a new beginning. I am reminded of the verse in 2 Corinthians:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

2 Corinthians 5:17

I believe each person have specific moments in their lives in which they can feel change…almost as if the memory of this day will remain forever as a chapter marker in the story book of my life. I am excited for what God has in store for me and where further artistic exploration and the continuation of my project will take me.